…that it is another day in work. Your programme is full and suddenly your boss assigns you yet another task, to finish by the end of the day. You try to do so, but due to your very busy day, you have totally forgotten it. The minute your shift is over, the boss comes over to you,furious because you haven’t finished the task and shouts to you without letting you explain yourself.
How do you feel?
Hurt?Upset? Overstressed? Confused?
What do we need in such cases?
Someone to listen to us, sympathize us, comfort us or someone to scold us?
I think the same things apply for children and their feelings.
When something goes wrong, they would want us :
1.To listen to them
2.Recognise their feelings
3.Understand thier feelings
4.Help them realise how to cope with their feelings and find solutions for their problems.
It goes without saying that our behaviour should be true, as the children will understand if we are actually Listening to what they say. If we fake it, they will be only disappointed and feel worse. It takes some practice to be ready to listen and focus to what the children say and why they say it. And it takes some time to convince the children that we are ther for them and they can trust us with their thoughts and feelings.
You can try a role playing game with your spouse or a friend in order to practice recognising the feelings in each situations, as well as how to convince the other part that you understand them. First you should try to name their feelings instead of giving advice.
eg.”You must feel very embarassed that everyone laughed at you”
or “You must be disappointed that Mary didn’t invite you to her party”
Here is a list of feelings to help them choose what they feel
You should play both roles-the parent’s and the child’s, in order to see the other’s side point of view.
When you give attention to the child’s needs, you will help him rationalize it and figure out what’s to be done. After all, we don’t need someone to fight our fights, we need someone to boost our morale and help us find our way.
All feelings our accepted, but of course some reactions should be controlled. Eg.being jealous or disappointed with the little brother is ok, but hitting him should not be accepted.
We can make the rules depending on the situations and the conditions, but it is nice to have a steady policy that will help the child feel safe and confide in us.
What do you think? Have you faced any challenge lately? I had in the beginning of the previous school year,as I mentioned in a previous post, that I couldn’t recognise my daughter’s feelngs, and thus could not help her with her problem in school( Ready for school , )
Share with me, ideas and thoughts that will help us with our children and their feelings!