School has started already, but…we still don’t want to go

It is already October and it’s almost a month that school started. My daughter, age 10 ,does not want to go, has stomaches in the morning and cries in the night.She didn’t have problem in the previous years.What are we going to do this year?

I tried reading an older post I had written about school days http://www.best-parent.com/ready-for-school/, where I explained the use of all possible resources for information about the situation the child is in the school. I went and talked to the teacher, which reassured me that the child does  not have problem in studying amd learning.I then went and talked to her co-students, who told me that she is very adorable but also very sensitive.Still there was no easy task.I explained some things to her and tried to give  her space to see how she reacts without my interference.But the problem still remains.

What am I to do? Her main complaint is that the others don’t take her condition seriously. I even took her to the paediatrician to see if something organic is really there. He noticed only a bit dehydration and lack of appetite.So, he was the one to advice me to seek professional help.And I am going,and I will let you know what will happen next soon….

…………….

So I did go to a specialist. And I told her all these things that I told you. Her proposal was to focus on what the child actually says. It is easy to suppose what the child feels, but the solution will come only if the child himself tells us what the problem is. Of course, it is not easy for a 10 year old to focus on the real problem and what is fantastic, so we have an extra level of difficulty. We must learn to listen and help the child to express himself. This can be done with many ways,such as:

-Role playing

We can switch roles; in the first time the child can play the child and we can be the parent, and then she can play the parent and we will act as the kid

Watching a related-story movie

We can watch together a movie that has a related story,eg a child that is being bullied in the school or is afraid of something, and discuss about the movie and what the hero did to solve his problem

Reading a related novel

Reading can also be fun and helpful, but first it implies that the child wants to read a book and you will play along.

Reading a book about child-anxiety

If the child actually admits that he has anxiety problems you can select a book about anxiety.There are many books, written in simple way so as a child can adapt with its meanings and help him

-Drawing

Drawing our primal fear and then drawing how to defeat it can be also very productive

Cultivate positive thinking

It is easy to fall in the trap of the automated negative thinking; the child may think that everything will go wrong, without any reasonable sign. We could try to propose to him positive answers in his negative thinking and then when the result comes help him realise that “it didn’t go wrong, after all”

This way, the child will be able (with our help maybe) to focus on the real problem. Then  we can help him figure out together a step-by-step solution. It’s like taking up swimming class. If you don’t know how to swim and want to learn,if someone comes up and tell you that the ocean is full of sharks and piranhas, you will probably be discouraged to continue the lessons. All things must be learned, but take one step at a time.

I tried the drawing expression with Maria. She was very to eager to draw what is going on at school;and she made one drawing of the external view of the situtation and another drawing of what this situation looks in her mind. There was a big difference, and I think she herself noticed that. We still have a long road to follow, so I will keep you updated with the news…….

What is you opinion? Do you have any suggestions for me ? Have you tried something that actually worked? Share it in the comment section bellow!

 

One thought on “School has started already, but…we still don’t want to go

  1. If your daughter is 10 years old,maybe she’s having pre-teen symptoms;talk to her about teenagers and the changes she will have soon

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